The car in which the felony was nearly committed
The lunar landscape of Lanzarote
I am pretty chuffed. Yes, I am about to train to become a teacher. Quite a turn-around from jet-setting, pint-downing [-sipping] journalist. So, in the spirit of moving on, I have been sifting through piles of stuff I like to call my collection of 'Journalism Miscellany' . Casting my tired old notepads to a box, I suppose I felt a bit sad. But I'm not getting rid of them. Because you never know, do you? People always say that. And with good reason. What you know and feel is not an immutable thing and so we should always be open to stuff changing, including ourselves, I told myself philosophically as I arranged the 'stuff' in a red plastic easy-to-store box. I suppose that the problem in the recent past has been that I haven't really wanted to shake off the journo thing. For the comfort of it. Bizarrely. Yes, the world in which people are woken up to be quizzed about a story they wrote that day had become the comfortable world for me. But here I am with my PGCE acceptance letter sitting next to my laptop and I'm 'thrilled to bits', as my nan would say. I think I can now pinpoint the event that led to me finally accepting this whole moving on thing; I've been tutoring a boy who is soon to take his A level French and I was told he'd be 'difficult'. Unfair really to tarnish someone's reputation before you've even met the arrogant so-and-so they appear to be referring to. But then I heard from a reliable source that, after a few lessons, I 'had him'. I've been tutoring him for a few weeks and I have apparently succeeded in taming this lion-boy. He is not, incidentally, anything of the sort. But it was rewarding to be told this. Cool, I thought, with a satisfied smile. Oh, let's just be honest, I like the power trip. Nothing wrong with that. Be quiet.
In the name of moving on I'm attempting a clear-out, a trawl through all the old tat from the past ten years or so - the same tat that's been forming quite substantial paper islands in my room for some time now. And what a trawl through the past it has been. In much the same way as Bill 'n' Ted journeyed through space and time, I have been on a most frightening stumble through the graveyard of old exercise books, old UCAS acceptance letters and other examples of useless hoarded material that I felt it necessary to pile up all around me like some sort of sick Hall of Year 12 Fame. Why did I keep it all? Because you never know, of course. However, among the flotsam and jetsam of my academic past, I have discovered a treasure, a beacon of comedic relief among the dreary relics of General Studies lessons - this shining light is my Careers Guidance Action Plan from the Lower Sixth. I knew my habit for hoarding would pay dividends.
[If anyone has any idea what a 'Career Whisperer' is, or knows if Andrea Kay is in fact a criminal and, if she isn't, where I can get her number, that information would be very much appreciated. Ta.]
What I most like about these so-called plans is how they are not plans at all, but merely an account of what you have said in a 20-minute lunchtime meeting. Kathy was her name - the woman who was to draft this prophesying document. As soon as I saw it, I knew I wanted to write about it. But how? How to communicate it utter worthlessness? How to tease out the comedic thread without losing the beautiful and hilarious weave of the whole thing? Why, I'll just copy it out, I thought. So I did. And here it is, complete and unabridged - a real, primary historical source. A slice of my career past. The first rung on the painful ladder of career progression, some might say. Well, I do. Perhaps even more painfully, it also offers an insight into me - Charlotte Bailey, aged 18. If we had a video of me at that time it probably wouldn't convey much more than the following script does. Apart from the obvious snag of being unable to see the tight, flared tartan trousers I was probably wearing at the time. [They were my statement fashion accessory in the Sixth Form. I even grinned smugly when my head of year referred to them as my 'golfing trousers'. I thought that made me sound cool.] So this is me, aged 18, in all my geekified glory. I feel strangely naked right now.
To set the scene: We are in a stuffy cupboard decked out with the best the 1960s could offer in staff room furniture. Welcome to the 'Careers Library'. The walls of this cupboard/library are covered in dusty files apparently containing information about universities, courses, and possible career paths...although this was just hearsay because no-one had ever referred to them in my time at the school. I'm sitting opposite Kathy. I can't remember a great deal about her. Suffice to say she was wearing ill-fitting trousers and a shirt that didn't button up properly at the front. More embarrassing for me. She was seemingly unaware.
This is Kathy's account of the interview. Word for word. Brackets are my helpful annotations:
"You are in the Lower Sixth, taking A levels in French, Spanish, English Literature, General Studies. At GCSE you have 8 A*s and 2 A [She's scribbled out the word 'levels' here. One line in and we're already confusing things]. In recent school mock exams you got AAA, B in General Studies. Also taking German GCSE. [The more effort and stress the better was my logic.]
Future plans: You want to go to university to study French and Spanish. You had thought of English Literature but have changed your mind. [This is true, I did do this.] You are looking at Oxford, also places like Nottingham, Bristol, Sheffield, Newcastle and Royal Holloway. You visited Leeds and weren't too keen. [Wasn't I? I ended up putting it down as my second choice. Weird.]
Issues discussed:
- What kind of course content do you want? You feel you'd like a fairly literature based course but maybe with flexibility. [Was I that much of a knob to say I wanted "flexibility" in my course? Maybe.]
- You feel you would like to study the two languages equally.
- You know that it can be possible to take up another language at university. Leeds appeals [I thought I wasn't keen on Leeds?] as it is very flexible and has a good reputation for languages.
- How is the year abroad spent? [This appears to be just a stand-alone question.]
- You have been to visit some but want to visit more if possible [We still talking about universities?]
- Apart from those mentioned, you could also consider, e.g. University College London, Kings College London, Birmingham. [Any particular reasons for this or are we just plucking names from the bindings of the files that surround us??]
- It makes sense to apply to places asking high grades maybe with one as a safety net. You are likely to be offered places at most universities you are planning to apply to. [Firstly, what qualified her to inflate my already anal achievement-anxiety? Secondly, on second thoughts, she probably picked up on the aura of the anal over-achievement which emanated quite strongly from me at this time and made her assumptions based on that. So I'll let that one pass.]
- You feel you may be interested in journalism - you know that this can be entered via a post-graduate journalism course. It is very important to get involved in relevant activities at university. [I'd like to add at this point that in between writing essays, I was mostly drinking or planning fancy dress outfits whilst simultaneously shedding my anal dickish skin.]
- Languages can also lead to a wide range of careers [care to point any of those out to me?] Employers see language graduates as having a lot of relevant skills [She's signed this form - do you think I could use it to sue her for false advertising?]
You seem to be researching things thoroughly [Doubt it. I was too busy revising.] and aware of what to take into consideration [Aged 18, I now know that I was not and could not be aware of what to take into consideration. How irresponsible of this lady to put my future in my hands at such a young age and at such a delicate time in my life.] Carry on with this [What?], try and visit some more places [Like a holiday?]. School will guide you through the Oxford application. [Well, always nice to end on a lie]."
Then I signed it. And she signed it - Kathy Jenkins. Date: 3/7/00.
This 'Careers Guidance Action Plan' then helpfully, and now almost laughably, adds at the end as a footnote: "You may find it useful to add your Careers Guidance Action Plan to your Record of Achievement for use in the future. Yeah, OK Kathy, cheers for the tip.
PS - You'll note the generous use of images in this latest blog post. I know, I surprised myself. All this exposure to others' very creative teaching resources must be rubbing off. There's a power-point presentation on the French perfect tense just screaming to get out. You just wait.
